Taking Pictures to the Moon

The sky has too many limits.

My dream house would be Art Deco

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Dream Room concept drawing

I drew this last summer while practicing perspectives. It’s more wide angled than I was going for but it represents what a portion of my dream house would look like.

Written by becklo

July 5, 2010 at 7:44 pm

Posted in drawing

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Wait, what did you say?

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I was diagnosed with ADHD this week.

I knew I had a lot of problems but in my nearly 25 years of experience, I never suspected that could be one of them.

But then, I believed you had to be a ten year old boy who climbed everything like a monkey in order to be qualified for it. And even then, that’s what a lot of people would just characterize as “high spirited.”

I remember the diorama I never finished in third grade, the robot I never finished in fourth grade, the report on Walt Disney I turned in with an 18 point font to meet the page requirement in fifth grade. Yes, some of it was a lack of interest on my part although looking back, I can’t imagine why. Today I would consider those really neat projects. But I felt a mixture of apathy, disdain and pure frustration as early as eight years old.

I am not a stupid person. I’m not particularly intellectual and I could stand to brush up on my current events. But I am clever, quick witted, creative and can make a damn good pierogi. I coasted through school and graduated by just showing up. I scored a 27 on my ACT without studying. If I had ever put effort into academics growing up, I’d be in a different place today.

But growing up, I was a very lazy person. I got bored easily and motivation came and went as it pleased. If I didn’t see a reason to do something, I wouldn’t do it. My mantra was, “Whats the point?”

It was only two months ago when my therapist suggested I look into ADHD. I thought she was way off base. I never knew that it wasn’t merely about physical hyperactivity but hyperactivity of the mind. And now that I’ve been looking into it, it actually makes sense to me.

Focusing on one thing at a time is nearly impossible. Unless it’s something that completely captures my attention I will not be able to concentrate on any one thing. I was obsessed with hockey in my teens to the point where it annoyed people around me. But it was one of a handful of things that kept me going day after day, week after week, month after month. I followed an entire 82 game season plus playoffs and was content to watch other teams play if my Red Wings were off that night. I’m not as immersed in it anymore but watching a hockey game still gives me a sense of relaxation. For three periods, all is right in the world.

What gets me in trouble is following through with things. Anything. I’ve gained a reputation as a flake because I can’t finish what I start. I take on a seemingly innocuous amount of projects and it quickly becomes so overwhelming I feel mentally paralyzed. Getting out of bed becomes a challenge. Answering a phone call is just as stressful as a final exam. It doesn’t change my desire to accomplish things. My goals haven’t vanished and my priorites are not the issue. It’s a matter of actually finding a way to put one foot in front of another so I can make something happen. And recognizing my problems but not knowing how to fix them only makes them worse.

Amazingly, just finding out what is wrong eases the problem significantly and makes the solution less overwhelming. Now that I have more information about what I’m experiencing I will hopefully be better prepared to make things better. (Also, maybe I’ll blog more consistently.)

Written by becklo

July 2, 2010 at 4:34 am

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Really smart things I’ve recently done

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I am the albino who goes to the zoo in a sleeveless dress without putting on sunscreen.

I’m that girl who leaves her laptop in the backseat of her friend’s car right before he goes out of state for a week.

I’m the one who parks on a side street and pays attention to all the signs except the “no parking” one.

My brilliance shines through on a constant basis. It is what makes me me.

Written by becklo

June 30, 2010 at 1:19 am

Posted in writing

Toy Story 3 made me cry

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Toy Story 3 made me cry.

It’s true. I can admit it. I saw Toy Story 3 at the midnight showing last night and I bawled like a baby. I walked out of the theater with tear streaks running down my face. My eyes are still puffy half a day later.

But it was amazing. It was everything good and right. Even the parts that wretched the heart strings were done as they needed to be done.

In the end, it was realistic and I can’t say I would change a thing. In an idealistic world the series would have ended happily ever after with Toy Story 2 and Andy would never have gotten any older. But for a movie to suck you into its own reality and genuinely make you care about these toys as though they were your family members… well, it’s such a hard won victory that Pixar pulled of f flawlessly.

I will be 25 years old in a few weeks. I haven’t cried in a movie theater since Mufasa died. I was eight.

But with all the sob stories surrounding Toy Story 3, I’d be remiss to not point out what a wonderful and well thought out movie it is. Laughs are just as consistent as tears and the continuity was definitely well considered. I was blown away when Toy Story 2 came out because I didn’t think it could top the original. And now to see a trilogy of stories that began when I myself was Andy’s age makes for a perfect happy ending.

Written by becklo

June 18, 2010 at 5:15 pm

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The Dead Milkmen – Methodist Coloring Book

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Are you a fan of clever, tongue-in-cheek 1980’s punk rock? Then, good sir or madam, the Dead Milkmen are for you.

Written by becklo

June 17, 2010 at 5:06 am

Posted in Music

I watched the world go round and round, and see mine turning upside down

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I’ve been listening to a lot of Phil Collins lately.

Written by becklo

June 17, 2010 at 3:48 am

Posted in Miscellaneous

Blast from the past: June 5, 2003

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Congratulations Becky

Seven years ago, I graduated from high school.

I narrowly made it. I started suffering from senioritis my first semester of freshman year. I was that lost soul who had no idea what to do with herself. It wasn’t that I lacked ambition, I just never saw what opportunities I had ahead of me.

Fast forward to 2010. I’ve bounced around a couple community colleges and had an insane, unaffordable amount of majors. I still don’t know what I want but I’m at least better aware of what’s out there.

Other people are graduating grad school, getting married, buying houses, starting families. I’m nowhere near that point. And sometimes it’s difficult to not compare myself with the success of others.

But they never had the life I’ve had. Are they more fortunate for that or am I? I think time will tell.

Written by becklo

June 4, 2010 at 10:17 pm

Posted in Photography, writing